so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
