so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
