I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
