I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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