so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
