i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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