One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
