every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
