I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
