I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
