WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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