it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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