I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
