I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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