Nicole vs. Life
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
