Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
