Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
