im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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