Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
