i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
