dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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