There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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