It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
