the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
