I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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