Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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