I skipped work to stalk him.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
