Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
