part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
