Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
