I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
