he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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