I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
