need another drink. this is the easiest way
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
