Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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