so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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