Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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