Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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