My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
