Small penises have feelings too.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Come on in and take your pants off
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