haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
