My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
