I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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