I cut my penus on the lid.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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