if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
