Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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