There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
