The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
