i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
