I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
