dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
