So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize