You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
