Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
