I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
