Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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