Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sex in a hospital.. check
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
