VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
