By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
