there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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