halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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