dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
