oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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