If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
