I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
