Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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