Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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