Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
