he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
