Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
