Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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