It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
